His Royal Dumbness
I have been trying to play Brahms in my head to calm my demons, but it keeps on morphing into well, noise. I must say I have been passively bitching a lot lately. If there is such a thing. For days I have been trying to put into words all the revulsion I have been feeling towards a certain mutant. Apparently, I have a habit of picking mutants as friends. Sob. I pretty much consider myself an open-minded individual, a liberal. In fact, someone told me I am liberal in many facets that sometimes I am mistaken for having twisted morals. I do not pass judgement without sufficient data. Recently, my friend Trog, Hot Momma and I decided to grace a newly opened, yuppie-friendly mall up north with our presence. Hot Momma is the type who exudes effortless coolness and is a single mother to a 5year-old boy while Trog is a fairly nice man in his 30’s. The ill feeling I have is towards the latter. I have known Trog for many years, but it is only now that it dawned on me how hard it is to expostulate with him. No, it is not due to his high intelligence, it’s the utter lack of it. He revolves in his tiny little orbit and thinks himself the master of the universe. He is starved for attention and would do anything to get it. He takes everything personally. Let me just share with you the snippets of what went on with my day with Mr.Personality. I was the first one to alight from the metro rail train and it was close to an hour after Trog arrived. We were bursting with excitement for it has been 2 years since we last saw each other in the flesh. We exchanged pleasantries, updated one another with our misadventures, etcetera. We circled the floors of the mall until we felt the little animals in our bellies reminding us it’s lunch time. I wanted to wait for Hot Momma, but I guess she was moving in slow motion for it took her an eternity to arrive. We opted to satiate our hunger lest we start frothing in the mouth. We each had a mouthful of hot greasy fried chicken when she joined us. She ordered then sat. The three of us shut up and ate. Days before plotting our rendezvous I promised Trog a treat to the cinema. That day I had to postpone my treat to the cinema to lengthen the time for chatting and catching up. I knew that would trigger a tantrum. A tantrum came faster than the speed of light and minutes later he was whining like a toddler who miserably lost his chance to ride his bike. It was so unnerving to witness a grown man throwing a fit. It was almost unbearable I wanted to push him off the escalator just to shut him up. He has a way of dredging up my dark side unleashing the inner bitch in me. It’s as if he wanted to invite chaos. The details of his drivel didn’t amuse me at all. To appease my mutant friend, I suggested to treat them for coffee instead of the movies. I was queueing up with Hot Momma, and even from there I could see his face contorting expletives, and his eyeballs spinning into outer space. I tried explaining to the mutant how it would be better if we just made ‘chika’ since this is our first meeting after 2 years. I told him I was sorry for postponing and we could meet up again to watch the boy wizard. I tried everything humanly possible to restrain myself from slapping him silly. It was half an hour past four when we said goodbye. Four quick days later we were again in the confines of another mall sans Hot Momma. I had to keep my promise. While inside he suggested to buy something at a local clothing shop adjacent to where we met up. At the other end of the shop I was checking the newest merchandise and I was blithely unaware of the fact that he was ready for a word war on the opposite side of where I was. He went rushing at my direction, informed me that he wasn’t treated well, that the salesperson wasn’t accomodating enough, and that he didn’t like it. He was on a roll devising little torments inside his head. There I bore witness as the mutant belittled the poor innocent young thing. He was practically telling him how to live his life. He was yakking himself to kingdom come. The salesperson was apologetic, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t amusing not even close to funny. He certainly has an impenetrable air of arrogance around him. I felt the desperate need of hard liquor. Why don’t I just tell you what I find repulsive about him whenever,wherever. First, let me clear that I do not hate him. What I hate is that thing he does. I hate it when he acts all mighty cerebral. Not that I’m flawless,but I don’t think someone who doesn’t even know what he is talking about half the time, has a combined I.Q. of a raisin, and an ignoramus has the right to impose someone to do better when his supposed intelligence is nowhere in evidence. It’s embarassing to be around him when he gets that way especially in public. He adores drawing attention when incessantly explaining his opinions. He loves thoroughly vivisecting every miniscule detail of every mistake. Frankly, in my opinion, he is the dumbest friend I have come to know. Dumb in so many ways it hurts my head just thinking about it. Mentally inadequate and self-absored in an exponential level. Dealing with him requires massive doses of painkillers.
